


The Eyebrow Deal

by star_named_andy



Series: Barduil One-Shots [5]
Category: The Hobbit (1977), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:37:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3546299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_named_andy/pseuds/star_named_andy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern Barduil AU where Bard and Thranduil have been together for some time now, but they finally take their relationship to the next level - eyebrow plucking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Eyebrow Deal

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I whipped up from a prompt I came up with and I thought it was a cute little scenario for these two adorable, modern Middle-Earth kings. I considered putting a little smut piece in there, but here it is - enjoy! :D
> 
> (Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, or any of its characters or content)

This was a day that Bard had been avoiding for a very long time, but it was inevitable. From the first time Bard had ever made the mistake of complimenting Thranduil’s full and striking eyebrows, he knew that this day would come. Ever since that erroneous moment, Thranduil had kept repeating himself: “You know what would be fun? If you let me do your eyebrows.”. That was definitely not Bard’s idea of fun. Each time Thranduil brought it up, he became more and more whiny and persistent. There’d even been times when Bard would wake up to Thranduil looming over him with tweezers or when Thranduil would literally chase him around the house with those vicious little hair pliers in his hands. After what must have been months of begging, Bard’s will finally broke. He gave in to Thranduil’s annoying pleas and Thranduil was utterly ecstatic. Bard was laying on the bed they shared with his head in Thranduil’s lap. Thranduil shined a light directly in Bard’s face and he recoiled.

“ _Ah_! Hey, watch where you’re pointing that damn thing!” Bard grumbled.

“I need it to see the hairs, darling.” Thranduil said and then Bard swiped at Thranduil’s long golden hair hanging in his face.

“And get that out of my face, please.”

“I’m getting to it, your highness. You don’t have to be so grumpy.” Thranduil scoffed, narrowing his piercing blue eyes down at Bard. He threw his hair up into a perfectly messy bun and then gently tipped Bard’s head up with his fingertips resting daintily on his jaw. Bard was glaring unhappily up at him with squinted eyes and Thranduil laughed. “Close your eyes if it’s too bright.” Bard did so and closed his eyes. Thranduil prepared to start, hunching over to look closely at the hair clumping together between Bard’s eyebrows and he frowned at Bard’s scrunched up face. “Stop scowling.”

“I don’t want to do this.” Bard half growled and half whined and Thranduil rolled his eyes.

“It _really_ isn’t as bad as you think it is. You watch me do it all the time, don’t you?” It was true; Thranduil did pay close attention to his physical appearance with tweezing, waxing, shaving, facial creams, body lotions, hair care and nail products – the works. Bard on the other hand was content with a hot shower and none of the weird stuff that Thranduil tried to force on him like “ped-eggs”. Shaving dead skin off of the heels of your feet didn’t sound enjoyable to Bard. “Do you ever see me screaming in pain?”

“No.” Bard muttered.

“You’ll be fine, I promise you. Now just relax your face, darling.”

Bard’s face slowly settled into its normal resting position and Bard crossed his arms over his chest, still protesting the whole thing even though there was no getting out of it now. Thranduil lowered the pointed ends of the tweezers and carefully closed them around one singular eyebrow hair. He gave his hand a hard jerk and Bard yelled.

“OUCH! That’s it, I’m done!” Bard said sitting up, but Thranduil laid his hands over Bard’s tense shoulders and eased him back down.

“Come on, it was just _one_ hair.” The blonde laughed. Bard remained unamused. Thranduil started to massage his fingers deep into Bard’s shoulders. “Aren’t you supposed to be my big, strong man? A little tweezer can’t hurt my man, can it?”

“Let’s just get it done, okay?”

“Yes, sir.” With permission, Thranduil lowered the tweezers once again and again only picked out one hair. Bard jolted and growled a bit in his throat (which Thranduil thought was actually quite sexy). Thranduil kept on at a slow pace picking out individual hairs. Bard wasn’t jumping around as much anymore, but sounds of heated displeasure kept resonating in his throat. “I know it’s a little uncomfortable for you, but if you keep making those noises I’m going to be poking you in the head with my dick instead of my tweezers.” Thranduil commented.

“I would much prefer to be spending our alone time doing something like that while the kids are at sch-OOL! OUCH!”

“You have to keep still!”

“Is it almost done?”

“No.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. Sit still.”

“You’re lucky you’re so gorgeous.” Bard mumbled and let Thranduil continue prodding at him with the tweezers. He tried to keep quiet as not to agitate the package sitting idly beneath his head and played with the idea of grunting on purpose to get out of this ordeal, but Thranduil pulled out a particularly pain bearing bunch and Bard yelled out.

“OW! What the hell?! That was _definitely_ more than one!” he scolded as he rubbed the sore spot between his brows and he was swiftly yanked back down into Thranduil's lap.

“Enough. Do you want to have a nasty unibrown like that Alfrid guy you work with? I didn’t think so.”

“Ow, _ow_ , OW!” Bard screeched as Thranduil plucked aggressively by the bunch. “How much hair can possibly be there?!”

“Done!” Thranduil announced and Bard heaved a huge sigh of relief, but Thranduil’s hand was still firmly pressed on his shoulder. Bard saw something silver flash in front of his eyes. “Close your eyes.”

“NO, THOSE ARE SCISSORS.” Bard detested loudly and Thranduil whimpered.

“I just want to trim them, babe! The plucking is the worst part.” Bard grabbed a mirror resting on their bedside table and frowned at the red space between his eyebrows.

“You said the middle and that was _it_.” Bard said and when he turned, Thranduil was pouting out his lips. “Don’t give me that.”

“Come on, babyyy. If you’re good for the trimming I’ll give you something _very_ special.”

Needless to say, Bard sat up and faced Thranduil with his eyes closed and a burning light in his face for the trimming of his eyebrows. At least this part of the procedure didn’t hurt; he was just praying that Thranduil didn’t poke his eye out. Bard kept very still and endured as Thranduil fingered through his eyebrows, brushed them around, clipped the hair and then lightly brushed it off of his face.

“There.” Thranduil finally spoke.

“Are they done?”

“Yes, they’re done. And you did great.” Thranduil planted a kiss on Bard’s forehead and as soon as the lamp was moved away, Bard opened his eyes and checked out his refined eyebrows in the mirror. He raised them up and down.

“Not bad.” He commented with a shrug and Thranduil gave a deep, melodious ring of laughter. Bard turned toward his beloved boyfriend, entangling their fingers together and laying Thranduil down onto the bed. He hovered over him with a smirk. “Am I more desirable now?”

“You are just as desirable now as you were before, darling.” Thranduil chimed.

“You still have to uphold your part of the deal. I believe you owe me something _very_ _special_ , as you put it.”

“Oh, I do. But I can’t give it to you right now.” Thranduil said with a wide grin and Bard’s jaw dropped.

“What? Why not?”

“DA! ADA! WE’RE HOME!” a chorus of voices rang from the front door and Bard frowned at Thranduil who was chuckling very smugly. Bard reluctantly sat up and sulked alone for a moment as Thranduil strode from their bedroom to go greet Legolas, Bain, Sigrid and Tilda and ask them about their day at school as he always did. They would have to shovel food into them before driving them all over the countryside for their various after school commitments, but Thranduil made good on his end of the eyebrow deal later that night when the children were all tucked into bed and snoozing peacefully away. Bard was always a little hesitant to engage in any intimacies while the children were in the house because honestly they were both extremely vocal and at times rough and aggressive in bed, but Bard had waited so long to feel the pleasures that Thranduil could so skillfully bestow upon him that the thought of being interrupted became irrelevant. They managed keep the volume containable – or so they thought.

The next morning at the table as they all sat for a brief breakfast before the kids piled onto the school bus, Tilda’s voice piped up.

“Da, ada, what were you guys doing last night?” Bard’s face went pale and he had never felt so mortified, especially when he saw the older children exchanging looks, but Thranduil just grinned at Tilda as he finished braiding her hair.

“Oh, Bard finally let me pluck his eyebrows for him. He was a bit of a baby about it, though.” Thranduil supplied and Tilda squinted at Bard.

“I can totally tell! Your eyebrows look a lot better, da.” Thranduil and Bard exchanged a secretive look, kissed their kids each on the head before seeing them out the door and on the bus, and then passionately resumed where they left off the night before as loud and as rough as they pleased.


End file.
